Nesmith’s Jumbo Hamburgers

Moulton, Lawrence County

This joint is on the extended AL.com list of 22 (plus 35 submitted by the readers) Greasy Spoon Burger Joints in Alabama you have to visit before you die. 

Nesmith’s Jumbo Hamburgers is another one of those “slug burger” joints, where they mix the meat with bread and fry the patties. That makes for a very crisp outside and a somewhat soggy inside, and also provides a lot of flavor. But contrary to the name of the joint, the burgers are not jumbo, they are more adjacent to the size of sliders instead. The double cheeseburger all the way comes with two patties, chopped onions, ketchup and mustard, on a standard burger bun. The mixture of bread to meat seemed to me a bit more to the meaty side, which resulted in a firmer bite in the middle. The flavor was good, but not outstanding, and it is a must to put some of the red pepper spice on it that sits on every table.

The restaurant itself, which opened in 1966 and is still operated by the same family, is a rather small hole in the wall, with a counter that provides seating for about ten customers on simple wooden stools. There are also a couple of tables around the corner, next to the big window. No decoration worth mentioning adorns the walls, and although the place is certainly clean, it is also a bit stuffy and outdated. With just a little effort, new wall paint, some old license plates and the like, this could be easily transformed into an icon of American tradition. As it is right now, it is a fairly bland joint with cheap burgers – I paid just over for bucks for a double cheeseburger and a sweet tea – and the exaggerated claim to serve some kind of “Jumbo” burger. 

C.F. Penn Hamburgers

Decatur, Morgan County

This joint is on the original AL.com list of 22 Greasy Spoon Burger Joints in Alabama you have to visit before you die. 

When you step into C.F. Penn Hamburgers in Decatur, it is like walking through a time portal back into the 1950s. The red checkered linoleum floor, the sparsely decorated red and white striped walls with their old fashioned yellowed menu boards, the corny Pepsi clock in one corner, and last, but not least, the prices for the food instantly make you feel like Peggy Sue or Johnny B. Goode. There is a long counter with eleven chrome-clad bar stools, and some of those four-person booths and some of the two-person variety on the opposite wall and the window side of the restaurant. They accept cash only, which should not be a problem, because, as said before, the prices are very reasonable. I paid not even seven bucks for two double cheeseburgers all the way and a large soda.

The hamburgers there are a unique local specialty – the so called “slug burger”. Originally, during World War II when meat was rationed, the patties for the "slug burgers" consisted mostly of fried lard with blood and bits of trimmed meat. Nowadays, it is meat and about one third of filler/extender material, like bread crumbs. This specialty only exists from North Central Alabama to Corinth, Mississippi, where they use potato or soy flour as the extender. The extender stretches the portions and also contributes to the low price.

The patties are dumped into a large rectangular frying pan with boiling oil, and pulled out of there when the outside is golden-brown and crispy. Since most of the flavor of any food comes either through various spices, or through fat, oil and grease by way of the cooking process, you get a very flavorful patty here – and in the South, we know anyway that everything is better when it is deep fried. Outsiders may be dismayed by this, especially since after you crush through the crisp outside, your teeth will sink into the somewhat soggy and mushy inside of the hamburger patty – remember the bread crumbs ... Well, I personally like the two very distinctive textures of the patty, but it is certainly not the uniform and standardized stuff you get at those national franchise places.

The staff there will “pre-cook” the patties, and there is always a stack of them waiting to be used in a new burger. Since they will take the upper most patties from the stack for each new burger, the patties on the bottom are fairly dated when they eventually get to them. And, of course, you better not try imagining what all that glorious grease and oil will do to your coronary system or your waist line – it is soul food, not health food, dummy!

The really huge double cheeseburger all the way comes with two of those fried patties, some American cheese, chopped onions, and mustard between a standard burger bun. There are shakers with red pepper spice on the tables, which gives the burger a very nice kick in the pants, and adds an additional layer of flavor, if you need that. You can have French fries as a side, which are also top notch, especially with some of the red pepper spice sprinkled on them.

The staff at C.F. Penn Hamburgers is very nice, and the restaurant is kept spotless clean. This is definitely a place where the locals eat, and at any given day there is a mixture of teenagers, workers, house wives, business people, and retirees to find there. The building is situated in the revitalized downtown Arts and Entertainment district of Decatur, just a block away from the fabulous Princess Theatre, which is a 1950s gems that has been restored to its former glory. I do not know whether C.F. Penn Hamburgers has ever received a renovation – it probably exists in a time bubble that defied all outside pressure for modernization since they opened in 1927. I hope it will stay that way for at least another 87 years, keeping a very southern tradition alive.

Staggs Grocery

Florence, Lauderdale County

This joint is on the AL.com list of 22 Greasy Spoon Burger Joints in Alabama you have to visit before you die. 

This is one of those places where no tourist will ever set foot in. Instead, it is filled with hordes of indigenous people. The Sheriff will be there, with a couple of his deputies, a heating & cooling maintenance crew, some old timers with War Veteran caps on, a few local farm hands, and the occasional Lexus driver. They all come to this place not because it is fancy, modern, pretty, or even remotely cozy. It is situated at the end of a run-down storefront in an area that maybe has never seen better times. The people who come here apparently don’t mind that the weathered green marquise over the entrance looks if it could come crashing down during the next heavy rainstorm. Nor do they mind to sit with perfect strangers in soiled work clothes at one of the half dozen large plastic lawn tables in the dining room, where everybody just sits wherever there is a free space available. They certainly do not mind the naked walls, where no picture or piece of memorabilia blocks the view at the green paint on the walls, and where the only decoration is an odd Pepsi clock. Some of them will come exactly because of this unique atmosphere, but all come because of the burgers.

In Staggs Grocery in Florence, the burgers are made to order, out of fresh ground beef, with fresh veggies and they come in the usual varieties of plan and cheese, with or without bacon, single or double. I had a bacon cheeseburger with fries and a fountain drink, and did not mind at all that I had to pay not even nine Dollars for it.

After I ordered the burger at the big counter that separates the kitchen from the dining room, I sat down at a table with some young guys who talked about metal music the whole time. The burger was brought out by one of the lovely ladies who take shifts in serving, flipping, and assembling of the burgers. It came with raw red onions, tomatoes, pickles, bacon, a beef patty, cheese and mayonnaise based cole slaw. On the burger, not as a side. Cole Slaw. Yummy! At first, I thought that ketchup would be a good idea, but after the first bite I realized that the cole slaw gives this burger a very special note, which would be destroyed by putting anything else on it. I must say, this burger was different, but in a very good way. The substitution of the ubiquitous lettuce with the indefinitely more tasty slaw is a stroke of genius. It gives the burger a very fresh presence and a distinctive taste. Different. Good. Yummy.

I used the ketchup for the fries, instead, which were very crisp and also top notch.

Staggs Grocery is in business since 1953, and it is one of those places where you can still feel America as it must have been back then. Apart from the great food and the unique atmosphere, I enjoyed a nice chat with the cashier, took a picture of the lovely ladies in the kitchen, and generally had a jolly good time. 

Smashburger

Madison, Madison County 

This joint is not on the AL.com list of 22 Greasy Spoon Burger Joints in Alabama you have to visit before you die. 

There are several sure fire ways to end your life – putting a bullet through your skull will do the trick, or jumping parachute less out of an airplane, or trying to block the path of a Tornado with your bare hands. Or you can eat at Smashburger. Your death will not come as abruptly and violently as with those methods described above, but rather slowly through blocked arteries, failing kidneys, and ultimately a final heart attack. But cometh it will.

For seven Dollars, you will get a BBQ, Bacon & Cheddar Burger there, with BBQ sauce, applewood-smoked bacon, cheddar and haystack onions on an egg bun. Without any surcharge, you will also get 1000 calories, 79 grams of fat (equaling 640 calories), 200 mg of cholesterol, and 2500 mg of sodium. Can you already hear your cardiologist talk about the new Mercedes he will buy with the money he makes treating you? Well, don’t fret about it, for you will not live long enough to see him drive it. Just as a reminder, the US Food & Drug Administration recommended daily intake for Sodium is 2300 mg. For fat, less than 30% of the total calories should come from it. For 1000 calories, that number should then be 300, not 640. The cholesterol level in that Burger is about what you should consume daily. But you are having some salty fries with the Burger, right? And a Coke? And some breakfast in the morning and dinner in the evening. Please reserve a bed at Huntsville Hospital’s Heart Center now – you will need it soon, if you consume those Smashburger burgers on a regular basis.

Granted, Burgers are generally no health food. But there are other burgers out there that are not that kind of fat dripping, salty, thirst inducing, fried onion boasting heaps of over-processed food stuff. And those are better tasting ones, too. In fact, this “special” smash sauce they put on it is downright revolting. In the future, I will surely stay away from this restaurant chain. With 1001 burger joints around here to choose from, there is no reason to risk damaging my health ever again.

Five Guys Burgers and Fries

Huntsville, Madison County

This joint is not on the AL.com list of 22 Greasy Spoon Burger Joints in Alabama you have to visit before you die. 

Oh well, I hate to admit it, but some fast food restaurant chains actually deliver a decent product. And a few of those even play in the major league of greasy spoonism. The pinnacle of that sub-group is certainly occupied by Five Guys Burgers and Fries, a “casual eatery” that started in 1986 in Virginia. As of now, the franchise has spread to over 1000 locations in 47 states 6 Canadian provinces. It is the fastest growing restaurant chain in North America.

One of the big differences to other burger joints is that you can choose the ingredients yourself – the Five Guys claim that there are over 250000 different ways to order a burger at their restaurants. You can choose between a Hamburger, regular Cheeseburger, or Bacon Cheeseburger, and 15 different sauces and veggies as toppings, such as Ketchup, A-1 sauce, BBQ sauce, Lettuce, Tomato, Jalapenos, Grilled Onions, relish, grilled Mushrooms, and so on.

After some rather delicious trial and error, I eventually found my favorite combination – Bacon Cheeseburger with grilled Onions, Tomato, Pickles, Ketchup and BBQ Sauce.

Everything is made to order, and the meat is not frozen but fresh, and they grill it. The difference to any other industrial burger is noticeable – actually, there is not even a contest. The flavor is unbelievable, the meat is juicy and perfectly cooked, the veggies are crisp and fresh, and the bun is soft and yet firm. For me, that comes very close to being the ultimate burger. And as with all great burgers, eating this monster is a mess. It comes wrapped in aluminum foil and you better grab a handful of napkins when you receive it at the counter. You can have fries with it, which theoretically come in a Styrofoam cup. Actually, they usually put as twice as much fries in the bag than the cup holds. The fries are good, but not really spectacular. Well, I guess next to the burger nothing short of a naked supermodel would be spectacular.

The only let-down is the atmosphere of the building – Grand Central Station without the trains. Even with only a handful of tables occupied, there is a constant noise level to cope with. The ceiling is very high and there is absolutely nothing in the room which breaks the noise. The walls are adorned with some rather ugly signs that quote quotes from Newspapers that are praising the burgers. There are also sacks full of potatoes lying around, and some sacks with peanuts.

So do not expect any transcendent dining experience here. What you get is just the best burger of any fast food franchise around. Ahem, I mean casual eatery. Anyway, get a burger there. Now.

Sandwich Farm

Sandwich Farm
Huntsville, Madison County

This joint is not on the AL.com list of 22 Greasy Spoon Burger Joints in Alabama you have to visit before you die. 

Just a few months ago, the owner of the Sandwich Farm had a second restaurant in Huntsville, the 3 Skillets on the Courthouse Plaza. That was a real narrow dive, with a long counter with half a dozen bar stools, from which you had a clear and direct view on the cooking griddles five feet away on the opposite wall. They had a couple of very small tables in one corner, and some tables with big umbrellas on the sidewalk. Their potato hash brown was divine, and the atmosphere was very bohemian.

Fast forward to today – the 3 Skillets is no more, because the burden of managing two different localities at the same time was too much for the owner. So she decided to consolidate her assets and only operate one restaurant – the Sandwich Farm. That joint is situated at the edge of Downtown Huntsville, in a tiny business area that also houses a recording studio, a music hall, and a photographer. So there is some bohemian atmosphere there, too, plus they have definitely a much, much better parking situation than in the middle of downtown.

The restaurant does not have any sign with its name on it, just a big yellow poster with the piece parts of a burger in one window, and some strange poster with a pig, a cheese, an apple, and a loaf of bread on the outside wall between the two entrance doors. Inside, you immediately stand before a counter with half a dozen wooden high chairs. If you sit there, your view is limited to a giant black-board with drawings and descriptions of all kinds of piece parts for the several meals they offer on it. Behind that wall is the kitchen, but other than in the 3 Skillets, what goes on in there stays hidden from the customers. You can also sit at one of the many tables, which are mostly located in the longer leg of the L-shaped room (the counter being in the shorter leg of that L).

I was very happy to find basically the same menu that the 3 Skillets had. So I chose the Skillet Burger, with extra bacon. That is an in-house hand cut and ground beef patty with the usual suspects – lettuce, pickles, tomato, red onions, cheese – in a brioche bun. Brioche? Sounds French, don’t you think? And indeed, it is French - a pastry, really, that is similar to highly enriched bread with a rich and tender crumb. It has more butter and eggs in it than normal bread, and is slightly puffy on the inside, with a somewhat flaky crust on the outside. Sounds fru-fru, doesn’t it? Well, yeah. To be honest, it is slightly sweet and thus gives the burger a distinctive flavor. To be quite honest, I could live without that French sweet flaky puffiness. And the Brioche did not even elevate the burger to new lofty heights – it was rather pedestrian instead. Don’t get me wrong, it was a good burger, but really nothing special, nothing to write home about, nothing to be put on a list of things to try before you die. It was okay. That’s it.

Because they do not fry stuff at the Sandwich Farm, I had to pick a different side than the ubiquitous Fries. Which is a good thing – I did not need even more French stuff on my plate. So I chose the potato salad, which was really great. Red skinned potatoes in sour cream, only lightly seasoned – very yummy. I will definitely be back at the Sandwich Farm, but a burger I will not order there again. They have way better things on the menu. What would go well with potato salad?