Too many joints ...

... not enough time.
I started this quest too late, and now I ran out of time. I read about those burger joints in November 2013, and now in June 2014 I am moving back to Germany. But at least I managed to visit all those joints in Northern Alabama, and a few in other parts of the state as well. And keep in mind that I still had another quest ongoing at the same time - the Great Northern Alabama BBQ Quest, which clearly took precedence over everything else. But I am truly satisfied with what I have accomplished on the Burger front - I have broadened my horizon, ate some great burgers, met many interesting, friendly, and sweet people, and had a ton of fun doing it.

Dub’s Burgers

Athens, Limestone County

This joint is on the original AL.com list of 22 (plus 35 submitted by the readers) Greasy Spoon Burger Joints in Alabama you have to visit before you die. 

This is a very nice old style restaurant in a somewhat decrepit strip mall near downtown Athens. There are a dozen or so tables, and a counter with a dozen or so low bar stools. I had to wait for my two cheeseburgers all-the-way for about twenty minutes, but only because they were freshly prepared and the process just takes some time. All-the-way at Dub’s means lettuce, onions, tomato, ketchup, mustard, and cole slaw on a slug burger patty between a standard bun. They enhance the standard bun by sliding it briefly through the grease on the griddle, which gives it a very nice crispy bite – and a lot of flavor. The aroma of the burger is definitely on the sour side, which is to be expected because of the mustard and the cole slaw. This is definitely not your standard taste, but it is certainly very delicious. 

And for eight bucks and a quarter, including a sweet tea, that is also a very fair deal. This is one of those places that are hidden gems for outsiders like me, but probably nothing special for the locals – it has been there for over 50 years, and it probably will be still there in another 50 years. 

Big Spring Cafe

Big Spring Café

Huntsville, Madison County

This joint is on the original AL.com list of 22 (plus 35 submitted by the readers) Greasy Spoon Burger Joints in Alabama you have to visit before you die. 

This place is the epitome of a Southern Burger place, the embodiment of the Greasy Spoon concept, a joint in the pure sense of that meaning.

The building is located in a part of Huntsville that has clearly seen better days – although probably only for a short time. It is reminiscent of a single-wide trailer, with a tiny worn out gravel parking lot in front of it, and a weather beaten sign that lost all its colors except for beige.

On the inside, you are stepping into a world were grease is King and the smell alone would give any serious vegetarian an immediate heart attack. There is a counter with maybe a dozen chrome and red-leather bar stools, and if you don’t get a place right away, you just stand at the wall and patiently wait your turn. Which can easily happen anytime, because the place is usually packed come lunchtime. So I arrived shortly after they open at 10 in the morning and got a good seat in the middle of the counter. From there, I could easily observe how the cook would grab some beef out of a big plastic roll, form it into a burger patty, and place it on the sizzling griddle – all with his bare hands. Latex gloves are for health inspectors and sissys. In between patties, he cleans his hands on a towel that hangs from his pants pocket. Old style, truly old style.

I ordered two cheeseburgers all the way, which is a beef patty with cheese, lettuce, tomato, mustard, and mayonnaise, between a bun that is a bit crumbly, a little bit like a biscuit. The size of the burger resembles that of a slider, not of a Big Mac – but for under six bucks for two cheeseburgers and a bottle of Pepsi, one can easily afford an additional burger or two if so required.

The flavor of the burger is very typical, nothing special, and definitely awesome. The ingredients are all fresh, and there is enough grease involved to give the burger a delicious aroma.

And then there is the staff, which is extremely friendly and helpful. The whole joint is just old fashioned, very southern, and very original. This is were the locals go, and where they don’t mind strangers at all.

Willie Burgers

Hartselle, Morgan County

This joint is on the original AL.com list of 22 (plus 35 submitted by the readers) Greasy Spoon Burger Joints in Alabama you have to visit before you die. 

It is a matter of principle. There is no debate required, nor would it help to solve any differences in opinion. You either hate them or love them, there is no middle ground. For those who love them, the crisp outside and the mushy inside, the fat dripping from the patty, the special flavor of the beef/bread mix, and the (optional) red pepper seasoning that amplifies the flavor even more are the stuff of legends. For those who hate them, a slug burger is not even a burger, but some diabolical concoction sailing under a false flag.

Here in the Tennessee Valley, we are blessed with several old fashioned joints that serve this special kind of burger. Willie Burgers in Hartselle is one of them. The store is situated in the heart of downtown Hartselle, on Main Street. The outside is rather unassuming, and the inside looks as if the 1950s never left town, complete with several pictures of Marilyn Monroe on the walls. There is a long counter with about a dozen chrome and red leather bar stools opposite the cooking area, and a rather dark room with some tables and booths on the other side. They only have three items on the menu there – Cheeseburgers, Hamburgers, and Hot Dogs. You can have potato chips as a side, and soft drinks come in plastic bottles. It is, plain and simple, as authentic as it gets.

I had a cheeseburger, all the way – which means with ketchup, mayonnaise, mustard, chopped onions, and pickles. That was, hands down, the best burger of this kind I had so far. No need to gussy it up with the red pepper seasoning, the flavor was spectacular as it was.

And for just twenty bucks for five burgers, four drinks, and two bags of chips (I had brought my family with me), this is an unbeatable deal.

I read somewhere that Willie Burgers opened originally in 1926. To stay in business that long, with those kind of prices, you need loyal customers and a good product. One that enough people love to come back time and again. Count me in.

Pikeville Store-N-Deli

Scottsboro, Jackson County

This joint is on the original AL.com list of 22 (plus 35 submitted by the readers) Greasy Spoon Burger Joints in Alabama you have to visit before you die. 

What you find more often than not at a place where two county roads intersect is a Pure gas station. Sometimes it is abandoned, sometimes only the Pure sign is still standing, sometimes it is still operational, and sometimes it has been converted into something else - like the one on CR81 near Ft. Payne that is a church now, or the one at the intersection of CR21, CR420, and CR31 near Scottsboro. That one has become a Deli, but the old gas pumps are still standing in front of the building.

The deli is called Pikeville Store-N-Deli, and as the list of county roads that lead to it might reveal, it is in the middle of nowhere. There might even a Blues song exists that describes this place, maybe with a young aspiring guitar player as the hero, who makes a deal with the devil on that crossroads.

But although this joint is basically on a different planet, it was packed to the rafters when I arrived shortly after noon on this Friday. I barely could get a table to sit on and many of the cars outside were actually parked on the adjacent meadows.

So naturally, I wondered what all the fuzz was about – was there a big hungry underground population that I did not see on my lonely path to the crossroads, or was that the usual Alien invasion from outer space for lunch each Friday, as so many bad 1950s Sci-Fi B-Movies had portrayed? Where did all those people come from all of a sudden? My bewilderment grew when I scanned the inside and could recognize guys in business suits, workers in soiled Carhartt pants, retirees with Bama caps, some middle aged couples, a family with three small children, some chatty teenagers, and a few guys who apparently had been on a fishing trip. A more heterogenic crowd could hardly be imaginable. They all seemed to be in on a dirty little secret, and now here was I, a total outsider who evidently had stumbled into kind of a clandestine society – of Hamburger connoisseurs.

Oh well, now that I was finally there, after much head shaking about the path my usually trustworthy GPS unit had led me on, I decided to dive headlong into this adventure. But immediately I ran into a problem – there was no double cheeseburger on the menu. Bummer, I was extremely hungry, because I hadn’t eaten all day (don’t tell my wife). So I ordered the Cheeseburger basket, with everything on the burger, plus extra bacon. As it is customary in old style diners like this one, you order, the food is brought out, and you pay after you are done. In my case, with a small drink, that came to not even nine bucks.

While I waited for my order, I had time to watch a whole flock of Hummingbirds buzz around a couple of feeders that were placed outside the completely enclosed porch where I had eventually found a free space to sit. The whole atmosphere of this joint is very, well, country. It is a typical small-town American diner, with no frills, practical furniture, and sparse decoration. The store part of it is rather small, but you can get pickles out of a giant glass there, moon pie, root beer, and the like. The staff is very friendly and helpful, and the food is just great.

The Cheeseburger in the basket, which also contained very crisp and tasty crinkly fries, came with a big beef patty, cheese, white onions, lettuce, tomato, pickles, mayonnaise and mustard (that I ordered specifically – usually, they do not put mustard on the Cheeseburger), on a standard bun. Very juicy, very tasty, very flavorful – and very greasy. In short, this is how a Cheeseburger should be. The only disappointment was the small amount of bacon – it barely registered as a taste enhancer, nor as a different kind of texture.

So, then, finally, I had cracked the secret of why this place was so full of people – they all came here for the burgers. No Alien invasion, no hidden underground community, just plain folks that drove more than just a few miles to eat good, original, hand made food. My hats off to you, Pikeville Store-N-Deli, with such a loyal following success will be yours – it is just too bad that this joint is so far away from where I live. Would that be within an hour’s drive, I’d be a regular Alien there too.

Milo’s Hamburgers

Gardendale, Jefferson County

This joint is not on the original AL.com list of 22 (plus 35 submitted by the readers) Greasy Spoon Burger Joints in Alabama you have to visit before you die. 

Milo’s sweet tea is a true southern institution since 1946. But Milo Carlton not only made beverages in Birmingham, he also opened his first Milo’s Hamburgers joint there that year. Over the years, this mom and pop operation grew into a small local restaurant franchise, with currently fifteen restaurants in the Birmingham area. Good old Milo concentrated his business idea on the sauce for his hamburgers, and according to legend, involved his customers heavily in the trial and error process to find the right recipe. Well, those folks back then evidently had a rather peculiar taste – the sauce has an odd flavor, at least to me. It tastes like a mixture of Worcestershire sauce, A1 sauce, and three weeks old salami pizza. It is neither sweet, nor sour, nor spicy, nor bitter, nor tart – or maybe all of the above. It is just, well, in-distinctively featureless. The double cheeseburger I had came on a flat bun that was toasted to a bone dry state, with two equally non-succulent thin beef patties, some American cheese, chopped white onions, a few tiny pickle slices, and – drum roll please, because this is touted as the latest and greatest invention by Milo’s – a couple of slices of thick non-crispy leathery bacon. And, of course, it was smothered in this dreadful sauce. Yikes. It gave me a bad case of the burbs, and also some mild heartburn. I had a sweet tea (what else?!) with it, and together that came to a quarter less than nine bucks.

The atmosphere in the restaurant was very sober – numerous tables, no booths, no decoration on the walls, other than a couple of posters with Milo’s advertising. It was more a feeding station than a restaurant. The only good experience there was the sweet tea – but since you get this in every supermarket nowadays, there is really no reason to go to one of the Milo’s burger joints to get your fix. The hamburgers sure ain’t worth going there.

Big Chief Drive-In

Glencoe, Calhoun County

This joint is on the AL.com list of 22 Greasy Spoon Burger Joints in Alabama you have to visit before you die. 

Petty coats and root beer floats. Grease in the hair, Rock’n’Roll in the air. Little green men from Mars and pink shark-finned cars. Grape milk-shakes and slush puppy lakes. Life was glee and gasoline was free. The air was fresh and everybody paid cash. Oh, the old times were so much better than it is now. Good thing that there are still places where the clocks seemingly have not advanced past 1955, preserving a glimpse into a peculiar life style, and not succumbing to the mainstreaming of the modern corporate world.

The Big Chief Drive-in in Glencoe is such a place. The architecture alone is very, well, special – the building is of triangular shape, and it is adorned with plates in different colors on a light turquoise background, and a big Pepsi sign on the roof. And then there are those two the huge metal arrows in the parking lot, one pointing its tip skywards, the other one pointing to the ground, with the former having a round shield at the top that has an Indian chief’s head painted on it. It doesn’t get more gaudy than this.

The inside looks and feels like a classical 1950s diner – a small one, to be sure. A counter with half a dozen bar stools, facing the kitchen, and another counter on the window side, facing the parking lot. In the summer, some additional wooden benches and tables are put in the parking lot.

The menu has everything on it, plus the kitchen sink. A large variety of burgers, hot dogs, and sandwiches, and a huge assortment of ice cream, shakes, flurries, and sundaes - the menu board stretches across the whole width of the joint, and the specials are written on small boards that are suspended from the ceiling. From this dizzying array of choices, I picked the meanest sounding for lunch – the double Belly Buster.

That is a cheeseburger with two huge beef patties, American cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickles, BBQ sauce, and a fried onion ring in a standard burger bun. Short and simple, that was one of the best burgers I ever had. The beef was flavorful and juicy, the fried onion ring provided some crunch, and the BBQ sauce was just delicious. And while I was munching away on it, making a mess out of the spot I sat and also the burger itself, the owner came by a few times and gave me some freebees – a cup of grape ice cream, a just freshly baked donut (from scratch), and a slush puppy. Dutifully, I devoured all this, because all this was very, very good. Unfortunately, after stuffing myself with all those goodies on top of the burger, there was no more space in my belly for the fries that came with it, so they went into the trash can virtually untouched. This was not only one of the best burger meals ever, but for just eight bucks also a total steal. Needless to say that the staff was exceptionally nice, and not only because they gave me all those extra things for free. I was treated like family and felt very much at home there. The only bad thing is that this joint is about a two hour drive from where I live. If it was any closer, I would probably hang out there so much, that I would be considered family eventually. Worse things could happen.

Nesmith’s Jumbo Hamburgers

Moulton, Lawrence County

This joint is on the extended AL.com list of 22 (plus 35 submitted by the readers) Greasy Spoon Burger Joints in Alabama you have to visit before you die. 

Nesmith’s Jumbo Hamburgers is another one of those “slug burger” joints, where they mix the meat with bread and fry the patties. That makes for a very crisp outside and a somewhat soggy inside, and also provides a lot of flavor. But contrary to the name of the joint, the burgers are not jumbo, they are more adjacent to the size of sliders instead. The double cheeseburger all the way comes with two patties, chopped onions, ketchup and mustard, on a standard burger bun. The mixture of bread to meat seemed to me a bit more to the meaty side, which resulted in a firmer bite in the middle. The flavor was good, but not outstanding, and it is a must to put some of the red pepper spice on it that sits on every table.

The restaurant itself, which opened in 1966 and is still operated by the same family, is a rather small hole in the wall, with a counter that provides seating for about ten customers on simple wooden stools. There are also a couple of tables around the corner, next to the big window. No decoration worth mentioning adorns the walls, and although the place is certainly clean, it is also a bit stuffy and outdated. With just a little effort, new wall paint, some old license plates and the like, this could be easily transformed into an icon of American tradition. As it is right now, it is a fairly bland joint with cheap burgers – I paid just over for bucks for a double cheeseburger and a sweet tea – and the exaggerated claim to serve some kind of “Jumbo” burger. 

C.F. Penn Hamburgers

Decatur, Morgan County

This joint is on the original AL.com list of 22 Greasy Spoon Burger Joints in Alabama you have to visit before you die. 

When you step into C.F. Penn Hamburgers in Decatur, it is like walking through a time portal back into the 1950s. The red checkered linoleum floor, the sparsely decorated red and white striped walls with their old fashioned yellowed menu boards, the corny Pepsi clock in one corner, and last, but not least, the prices for the food instantly make you feel like Peggy Sue or Johnny B. Goode. There is a long counter with eleven chrome-clad bar stools, and some of those four-person booths and some of the two-person variety on the opposite wall and the window side of the restaurant. They accept cash only, which should not be a problem, because, as said before, the prices are very reasonable. I paid not even seven bucks for two double cheeseburgers all the way and a large soda.

The hamburgers there are a unique local specialty – the so called “slug burger”. Originally, during World War II when meat was rationed, the patties for the "slug burgers" consisted mostly of fried lard with blood and bits of trimmed meat. Nowadays, it is meat and about one third of filler/extender material, like bread crumbs. This specialty only exists from North Central Alabama to Corinth, Mississippi, where they use potato or soy flour as the extender. The extender stretches the portions and also contributes to the low price.

The patties are dumped into a large rectangular frying pan with boiling oil, and pulled out of there when the outside is golden-brown and crispy. Since most of the flavor of any food comes either through various spices, or through fat, oil and grease by way of the cooking process, you get a very flavorful patty here – and in the South, we know anyway that everything is better when it is deep fried. Outsiders may be dismayed by this, especially since after you crush through the crisp outside, your teeth will sink into the somewhat soggy and mushy inside of the hamburger patty – remember the bread crumbs ... Well, I personally like the two very distinctive textures of the patty, but it is certainly not the uniform and standardized stuff you get at those national franchise places.

The staff there will “pre-cook” the patties, and there is always a stack of them waiting to be used in a new burger. Since they will take the upper most patties from the stack for each new burger, the patties on the bottom are fairly dated when they eventually get to them. And, of course, you better not try imagining what all that glorious grease and oil will do to your coronary system or your waist line – it is soul food, not health food, dummy!

The really huge double cheeseburger all the way comes with two of those fried patties, some American cheese, chopped onions, and mustard between a standard burger bun. There are shakers with red pepper spice on the tables, which gives the burger a very nice kick in the pants, and adds an additional layer of flavor, if you need that. You can have French fries as a side, which are also top notch, especially with some of the red pepper spice sprinkled on them.

The staff at C.F. Penn Hamburgers is very nice, and the restaurant is kept spotless clean. This is definitely a place where the locals eat, and at any given day there is a mixture of teenagers, workers, house wives, business people, and retirees to find there. The building is situated in the revitalized downtown Arts and Entertainment district of Decatur, just a block away from the fabulous Princess Theatre, which is a 1950s gems that has been restored to its former glory. I do not know whether C.F. Penn Hamburgers has ever received a renovation – it probably exists in a time bubble that defied all outside pressure for modernization since they opened in 1927. I hope it will stay that way for at least another 87 years, keeping a very southern tradition alive.

Staggs Grocery

Florence, Lauderdale County

This joint is on the AL.com list of 22 Greasy Spoon Burger Joints in Alabama you have to visit before you die. 

This is one of those places where no tourist will ever set foot in. Instead, it is filled with hordes of indigenous people. The Sheriff will be there, with a couple of his deputies, a heating & cooling maintenance crew, some old timers with War Veteran caps on, a few local farm hands, and the occasional Lexus driver. They all come to this place not because it is fancy, modern, pretty, or even remotely cozy. It is situated at the end of a run-down storefront in an area that maybe has never seen better times. The people who come here apparently don’t mind that the weathered green marquise over the entrance looks if it could come crashing down during the next heavy rainstorm. Nor do they mind to sit with perfect strangers in soiled work clothes at one of the half dozen large plastic lawn tables in the dining room, where everybody just sits wherever there is a free space available. They certainly do not mind the naked walls, where no picture or piece of memorabilia blocks the view at the green paint on the walls, and where the only decoration is an odd Pepsi clock. Some of them will come exactly because of this unique atmosphere, but all come because of the burgers.

In Staggs Grocery in Florence, the burgers are made to order, out of fresh ground beef, with fresh veggies and they come in the usual varieties of plan and cheese, with or without bacon, single or double. I had a bacon cheeseburger with fries and a fountain drink, and did not mind at all that I had to pay not even nine Dollars for it.

After I ordered the burger at the big counter that separates the kitchen from the dining room, I sat down at a table with some young guys who talked about metal music the whole time. The burger was brought out by one of the lovely ladies who take shifts in serving, flipping, and assembling of the burgers. It came with raw red onions, tomatoes, pickles, bacon, a beef patty, cheese and mayonnaise based cole slaw. On the burger, not as a side. Cole Slaw. Yummy! At first, I thought that ketchup would be a good idea, but after the first bite I realized that the cole slaw gives this burger a very special note, which would be destroyed by putting anything else on it. I must say, this burger was different, but in a very good way. The substitution of the ubiquitous lettuce with the indefinitely more tasty slaw is a stroke of genius. It gives the burger a very fresh presence and a distinctive taste. Different. Good. Yummy.

I used the ketchup for the fries, instead, which were very crisp and also top notch.

Staggs Grocery is in business since 1953, and it is one of those places where you can still feel America as it must have been back then. Apart from the great food and the unique atmosphere, I enjoyed a nice chat with the cashier, took a picture of the lovely ladies in the kitchen, and generally had a jolly good time. 

Smashburger

Madison, Madison County 

This joint is not on the AL.com list of 22 Greasy Spoon Burger Joints in Alabama you have to visit before you die. 

There are several sure fire ways to end your life – putting a bullet through your skull will do the trick, or jumping parachute less out of an airplane, or trying to block the path of a Tornado with your bare hands. Or you can eat at Smashburger. Your death will not come as abruptly and violently as with those methods described above, but rather slowly through blocked arteries, failing kidneys, and ultimately a final heart attack. But cometh it will.

For seven Dollars, you will get a BBQ, Bacon & Cheddar Burger there, with BBQ sauce, applewood-smoked bacon, cheddar and haystack onions on an egg bun. Without any surcharge, you will also get 1000 calories, 79 grams of fat (equaling 640 calories), 200 mg of cholesterol, and 2500 mg of sodium. Can you already hear your cardiologist talk about the new Mercedes he will buy with the money he makes treating you? Well, don’t fret about it, for you will not live long enough to see him drive it. Just as a reminder, the US Food & Drug Administration recommended daily intake for Sodium is 2300 mg. For fat, less than 30% of the total calories should come from it. For 1000 calories, that number should then be 300, not 640. The cholesterol level in that Burger is about what you should consume daily. But you are having some salty fries with the Burger, right? And a Coke? And some breakfast in the morning and dinner in the evening. Please reserve a bed at Huntsville Hospital’s Heart Center now – you will need it soon, if you consume those Smashburger burgers on a regular basis.

Granted, Burgers are generally no health food. But there are other burgers out there that are not that kind of fat dripping, salty, thirst inducing, fried onion boasting heaps of over-processed food stuff. And those are better tasting ones, too. In fact, this “special” smash sauce they put on it is downright revolting. In the future, I will surely stay away from this restaurant chain. With 1001 burger joints around here to choose from, there is no reason to risk damaging my health ever again.

Five Guys Burgers and Fries

Huntsville, Madison County

This joint is not on the AL.com list of 22 Greasy Spoon Burger Joints in Alabama you have to visit before you die. 

Oh well, I hate to admit it, but some fast food restaurant chains actually deliver a decent product. And a few of those even play in the major league of greasy spoonism. The pinnacle of that sub-group is certainly occupied by Five Guys Burgers and Fries, a “casual eatery” that started in 1986 in Virginia. As of now, the franchise has spread to over 1000 locations in 47 states 6 Canadian provinces. It is the fastest growing restaurant chain in North America.

One of the big differences to other burger joints is that you can choose the ingredients yourself – the Five Guys claim that there are over 250000 different ways to order a burger at their restaurants. You can choose between a Hamburger, regular Cheeseburger, or Bacon Cheeseburger, and 15 different sauces and veggies as toppings, such as Ketchup, A-1 sauce, BBQ sauce, Lettuce, Tomato, Jalapenos, Grilled Onions, relish, grilled Mushrooms, and so on.

After some rather delicious trial and error, I eventually found my favorite combination – Bacon Cheeseburger with grilled Onions, Tomato, Pickles, Ketchup and BBQ Sauce.

Everything is made to order, and the meat is not frozen but fresh, and they grill it. The difference to any other industrial burger is noticeable – actually, there is not even a contest. The flavor is unbelievable, the meat is juicy and perfectly cooked, the veggies are crisp and fresh, and the bun is soft and yet firm. For me, that comes very close to being the ultimate burger. And as with all great burgers, eating this monster is a mess. It comes wrapped in aluminum foil and you better grab a handful of napkins when you receive it at the counter. You can have fries with it, which theoretically come in a Styrofoam cup. Actually, they usually put as twice as much fries in the bag than the cup holds. The fries are good, but not really spectacular. Well, I guess next to the burger nothing short of a naked supermodel would be spectacular.

The only let-down is the atmosphere of the building – Grand Central Station without the trains. Even with only a handful of tables occupied, there is a constant noise level to cope with. The ceiling is very high and there is absolutely nothing in the room which breaks the noise. The walls are adorned with some rather ugly signs that quote quotes from Newspapers that are praising the burgers. There are also sacks full of potatoes lying around, and some sacks with peanuts.

So do not expect any transcendent dining experience here. What you get is just the best burger of any fast food franchise around. Ahem, I mean casual eatery. Anyway, get a burger there. Now.