Smashburger

Madison, Madison County 

This joint is not on the AL.com list of 22 Greasy Spoon Burger Joints in Alabama you have to visit before you die. 

There are several sure fire ways to end your life – putting a bullet through your skull will do the trick, or jumping parachute less out of an airplane, or trying to block the path of a Tornado with your bare hands. Or you can eat at Smashburger. Your death will not come as abruptly and violently as with those methods described above, but rather slowly through blocked arteries, failing kidneys, and ultimately a final heart attack. But cometh it will.

For seven Dollars, you will get a BBQ, Bacon & Cheddar Burger there, with BBQ sauce, applewood-smoked bacon, cheddar and haystack onions on an egg bun. Without any surcharge, you will also get 1000 calories, 79 grams of fat (equaling 640 calories), 200 mg of cholesterol, and 2500 mg of sodium. Can you already hear your cardiologist talk about the new Mercedes he will buy with the money he makes treating you? Well, don’t fret about it, for you will not live long enough to see him drive it. Just as a reminder, the US Food & Drug Administration recommended daily intake for Sodium is 2300 mg. For fat, less than 30% of the total calories should come from it. For 1000 calories, that number should then be 300, not 640. The cholesterol level in that Burger is about what you should consume daily. But you are having some salty fries with the Burger, right? And a Coke? And some breakfast in the morning and dinner in the evening. Please reserve a bed at Huntsville Hospital’s Heart Center now – you will need it soon, if you consume those Smashburger burgers on a regular basis.

Granted, Burgers are generally no health food. But there are other burgers out there that are not that kind of fat dripping, salty, thirst inducing, fried onion boasting heaps of over-processed food stuff. And those are better tasting ones, too. In fact, this “special” smash sauce they put on it is downright revolting. In the future, I will surely stay away from this restaurant chain. With 1001 burger joints around here to choose from, there is no reason to risk damaging my health ever again.