Staggs Grocery

Florence, Lauderdale County

This joint is on the AL.com list of 22 Greasy Spoon Burger Joints in Alabama you have to visit before you die. 

This is one of those places where no tourist will ever set foot in. Instead, it is filled with hordes of indigenous people. The Sheriff will be there, with a couple of his deputies, a heating & cooling maintenance crew, some old timers with War Veteran caps on, a few local farm hands, and the occasional Lexus driver. They all come to this place not because it is fancy, modern, pretty, or even remotely cozy. It is situated at the end of a run-down storefront in an area that maybe has never seen better times. The people who come here apparently don’t mind that the weathered green marquise over the entrance looks if it could come crashing down during the next heavy rainstorm. Nor do they mind to sit with perfect strangers in soiled work clothes at one of the half dozen large plastic lawn tables in the dining room, where everybody just sits wherever there is a free space available. They certainly do not mind the naked walls, where no picture or piece of memorabilia blocks the view at the green paint on the walls, and where the only decoration is an odd Pepsi clock. Some of them will come exactly because of this unique atmosphere, but all come because of the burgers.

In Staggs Grocery in Florence, the burgers are made to order, out of fresh ground beef, with fresh veggies and they come in the usual varieties of plan and cheese, with or without bacon, single or double. I had a bacon cheeseburger with fries and a fountain drink, and did not mind at all that I had to pay not even nine Dollars for it.

After I ordered the burger at the big counter that separates the kitchen from the dining room, I sat down at a table with some young guys who talked about metal music the whole time. The burger was brought out by one of the lovely ladies who take shifts in serving, flipping, and assembling of the burgers. It came with raw red onions, tomatoes, pickles, bacon, a beef patty, cheese and mayonnaise based cole slaw. On the burger, not as a side. Cole Slaw. Yummy! At first, I thought that ketchup would be a good idea, but after the first bite I realized that the cole slaw gives this burger a very special note, which would be destroyed by putting anything else on it. I must say, this burger was different, but in a very good way. The substitution of the ubiquitous lettuce with the indefinitely more tasty slaw is a stroke of genius. It gives the burger a very fresh presence and a distinctive taste. Different. Good. Yummy.

I used the ketchup for the fries, instead, which were very crisp and also top notch.

Staggs Grocery is in business since 1953, and it is one of those places where you can still feel America as it must have been back then. Apart from the great food and the unique atmosphere, I enjoyed a nice chat with the cashier, took a picture of the lovely ladies in the kitchen, and generally had a jolly good time. 

Smashburger

Madison, Madison County 

This joint is not on the AL.com list of 22 Greasy Spoon Burger Joints in Alabama you have to visit before you die. 

There are several sure fire ways to end your life – putting a bullet through your skull will do the trick, or jumping parachute less out of an airplane, or trying to block the path of a Tornado with your bare hands. Or you can eat at Smashburger. Your death will not come as abruptly and violently as with those methods described above, but rather slowly through blocked arteries, failing kidneys, and ultimately a final heart attack. But cometh it will.

For seven Dollars, you will get a BBQ, Bacon & Cheddar Burger there, with BBQ sauce, applewood-smoked bacon, cheddar and haystack onions on an egg bun. Without any surcharge, you will also get 1000 calories, 79 grams of fat (equaling 640 calories), 200 mg of cholesterol, and 2500 mg of sodium. Can you already hear your cardiologist talk about the new Mercedes he will buy with the money he makes treating you? Well, don’t fret about it, for you will not live long enough to see him drive it. Just as a reminder, the US Food & Drug Administration recommended daily intake for Sodium is 2300 mg. For fat, less than 30% of the total calories should come from it. For 1000 calories, that number should then be 300, not 640. The cholesterol level in that Burger is about what you should consume daily. But you are having some salty fries with the Burger, right? And a Coke? And some breakfast in the morning and dinner in the evening. Please reserve a bed at Huntsville Hospital’s Heart Center now – you will need it soon, if you consume those Smashburger burgers on a regular basis.

Granted, Burgers are generally no health food. But there are other burgers out there that are not that kind of fat dripping, salty, thirst inducing, fried onion boasting heaps of over-processed food stuff. And those are better tasting ones, too. In fact, this “special” smash sauce they put on it is downright revolting. In the future, I will surely stay away from this restaurant chain. With 1001 burger joints around here to choose from, there is no reason to risk damaging my health ever again.